A purpose is all that required……

for me its always been ,  (infact till about 1.7 years ago)  living for purpose. i am just 2nd year undergraduate student so its feel some irrelevant to use the word irrelevant here. but when i know the experience of living without purpose after living for purpose though some 3 years only it clearly clarifies to me why its seem like always to me now.

the problem with me now is that almost everyday i can enjoy almost every moment but just before my sleep or when i am alone i start encountering questions coming from nowhere. like what i  am doing, what i  wanted to do , what i want to do and what i have been doing. i never wanted to be like this and the endless list of permutations of the same question . and the more i am living unpurposefully the more i feel i am losing myself , and the more my self is departing from mine. the more  of my concentration is degrading , my thoughts are becoming more diverse , scattered , useless , i am going on speaking i am just getting lost into the unknown and when sometime i realize what i am doing i am so upset with myself . and this has become the story of almost everyday .

and when i  try to look for a change i find myself so reluctant to it. because inspite the absence of this purpose  i find myself always cheering happy leaving aside those rare alone moments infact far more happier and smiling then others.

the cold war between these two has finally lead me to conclude that let it be done and wait for the answer from inside and i am damn sure i will get it soon. Amen

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About ashishhawking

I am trying to search about myself trying to know me and trying to find something someone for which / whom i shall die loving..............but one thing remains same i can smile and mind u laugh really hard times at times..............so wierdly

Posted on October 16, 2011, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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